Glitter in the Air
by ChElFi
Summary: When Steve Rogers acquiesced to his best friends request to spend his last night in New York at a dance club, he expected it to end as it always did, in disappointment. Instead, Steve meets someone who could change his life, if he can only convince her it's safe to do so. A/U in a major way. Pre-serum Steve in modern times. No Avengers or Super Heroes.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:**

**When Steve Rogers acquiesced to his best friend's request to spend his last night in New York at a dance club, he expected it to end as it always did, in disappointment. Instead, Steve meets someone who could change his life, if he can only convince her it's safe to do so. A/U in a major way. Pre-serum Steve in modern times. No Avengers or Super Heroes.**

**Notes: For Dresupi.**

**Got this bug in my ear a few months ago. It was originally conceived with post-serum Steve in mind, but then I had this crazy notion to use pre-serum Steve in a modern setting A/U.**

**This is also dedicated to Dresupi to make up for that horrible, sad thing I wrote for her back when, unbeknownst to me, she was going through a particularly hard time. I hope this one isn't as sad, though there is the angst necessary in all romance stories. Possibly one major character death that occurs before the story begins, I'll check with her on that one, though.**

**Some of the dialog, you will note, is taken from Captain America: The First Avenger. Also, you should know that I've never actually been inside a night club so I made this first scene up from watching shows and reading stories. Which is how I make up my sex scenes as well so I figured it was OK. :D**

**Title and song lyrics at the beginning of each chapter are from Pink's song, which is one of my fave of hers...seriously, it's so difficult to pick a fave of her music. :)**

**Other things: The first two chapters were one chapter, but it ended up nearly 10K words, half of those smut, so I split it up. Also, if you don't like smut, you can skip that part. I'll post breaks so you can read the beginning and end of chapter two. Anyway, if this chapter feels as if it ends suddenly, that's why.**

**I think that's everything. Please R&amp;R.**

* * *

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?  
Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted?  
Have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air?  
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care."?

* * *

Steve Rogers walked at the leisurely pace a hot New York August night dictated, toward the club where he had promised to meet his best friend, Bucky Barnes. Steve suspected he would walk just as slowly if it was the dead of winter. A dance club was not his favorite venue. But it was Bucky's last night in town before he headed back to DC to finish his final year paying off his Army ROTC loan.

They'd spent the week together, and Steve had found his two-month unemployment was a benefit. He had a new job in the morning, but he'd been glad for the opportunity to have time with his old friend. It had been over a year since they'd seen each other and Steve always missed Bucky.

As Steve drew closer to the club, his attention was drawn to a couple on the sidewalk. The man was screaming at the crying woman. Steve felt the sharp feeling of injustice he always felt in such situations and couldn't stop himself from walking over to intervene.

"Hey, is this guy bothering you?" Steve walked boldly up to the young blonde-haired woman and the large sandy-haired man.

"Leave it alone, jackass," the man told Steve and pulled himself up to his full height, around five-feet-ten in Steve's estimation, until he towered over Steve's five-feet-four, skinny frame.

"Not unless you leave the lady alone," Steve said.

The man laughed.

"She ain't no lady," he told Steve, the man's Bronx accent become plain now. "She's just my whore girlfriend."

Steve's anger was immediately piqued at the comment. He clenched his jaw and his fist swung out to make contact with the taller man. The latter stumbled, but mostly in surprise at Steve's attempt. Then he laughed and swung back at Steve, hitting him square in the jaw and sending Steve's skinny body tumbling backwards onto the pavement. Steve righted himself and tried for another pass, but he ended up taking a hit in his gut instead, and falling to his knees. He pushed himself up with his hands and lifted his fists again.

"You just don't know when to give up," the man said.

"I could do this all day," Steve replied, though he was still gasping for breath from that last hit. He watched in relief as the girl walked quickly down the street away from them.

The man connected his fist to Steve's face one last time and Steve spun and sprawled to the ground, face down. He was pushing himself up when he heard another voice.

"Hey, pick on someone your own size," Steve heard Bucky tell the man.

When Steve finally righted himself, both the man and the woman were gone. Steve attempted to brush himself off and wipe some of the blood off his face.

"Sometimes, I think you like getting punched," Bucky said as he walked toward Steve.

"I had him on the ropes," Steve assured Bucky.

"Sure you did," Bucky chuckled. "Come on, we gotta meet the girls."

"Girls?" Steve questioned, then sighed at Bucky's smile.

"You didn't say anything about fixing me up with some girlfriend of a girlfriend," he complained immediately.

"It won't be so bad," Bucky assured him.

"You said that last time," Steve grumbled. "And the time before that, and…"

"Bucky!" Steve heard a woman call out his friend's name. She was standing in the middle of a long line of people waiting to gain entrance into a club on Manhattan's Lower East Side.

Steve groaned inwardly.

"What did you tell her about me?" he asked.

"Only the good stuff," Bucky replied.

Steve didn't feel very reassured by that knowledge. When they approached Bucky's new girlfriend and her friend, Steve was even less reassured. While Bucky leaned in to kiss his girlfriend, the other woman gave Steve a withering once-over and it was apparent she was entirely unimpressed. The woman was the typical type Bucky always tried to set Steve up with, namely, Bucky's type. Steve tried to be nice as Bucky introduced the three, but, as Bucky guided them to the front of the line to give their names which were on the guest list, the women began whispering to each other. Steve really disliked this breach of manners. He knew it was common nowadays, but it made him feel self-conscious.

The guard opened the cord to allow the four to enter. The noise was the first thing to hit Steve. He didn't go out to this sort of place often and he felt the pressure of the bass on his eardrums. The lights weren't too annoying. At least you could see inside the room. The few times before when he'd gone out with Bucky, the dance clubs were so dark Steve could barely see in front of his face. They were able to find a table, which made Steve glad he had insisted on an early evening. He would spend most of the night sitting anyway, as he couldn't dance without making a complete idiot of himself.

They ordered drinks and hors d'oeurves and Steve tried to make small talk with "the friend" when Bucky and his girlfriend went to dance. When it became apparent that Steve wasn't going to ask her to dance, the woman excused herself and left the table. Steve would have had to be blind to miss her disappointment. The drinks came back followed by the food, and Steve nursed his beer and nibbled on the nachos. Bucky and his girlfriend came back, followed by her friend shortly, and they drank for a bit and ate up the chips, then the three returned to the dance floor.

Steve had a hard time drawing the waitress's attention to get a soda and maybe order a pizza. He sank down in his seat feeling unsure of himself. Anywhere else he was fine, but put him in a situation where there was dancing or women, or worse, a combination of the two, and he turned into a mess. All the coaching from Bucky on how to speak to a girl had failed, and, to be honest, Steve had realized by their last year of high school, that it was a good thing. Steve liked Bucky, they had been best friends since childhood, but Bucky's idea of what a good woman was, and Steve's own idea, differed greatly. Steve didn't want to end up with the type of woman Bucky chased after. He was sure they were nice enough, but they tended to be petty and a little too clingy and needy.

Steve was brought out of his momentary self-pity by a waitress approaching his table.

"The lady over there," she jerked her head to indicate some place behind her, "says you needed something."

"Uh, yeah," he said. "Just want a Coke and a pizza."

"We only have Pepsi, and what do you want on your pizza?" she replied.

"That's fine, and I'll have Italian sausage and banana peppers," he told her.

"We only have regular sausage and green peppers," she explained.

"Yeah, that'll be fine," he said.

She turned and left and Steve tried to find the woman the waitress had indicated. Though the room was well-lit, he didn't notice anyone overtly trying to draw his attention, so he returned to people watching and wishing Bucky would have wanted to do something else his last night in New York.

The waitress brought back the Pepsi and Steve drank it slowly as he waited for the pizza. When it finally arrived, Steve did something impulsive and, for him, entirely out of his nature.

"You said there was a lady who sent you over earlier," he reminded her. "Is she still here? I, uh…" Steve wasn't really sure what he wanted to do, but his curiosity had been piqued at the very least.

"Yeah, she'd sitting alone in a back row booth," the waitress turned and pointed Steve in the direction of the table. "She's got on a blue dress. See? With the low v-neck?"

Steve couldn't see the dress, but he could see a woman sitting by herself.

"Brunette?" he asked.

"Yeah, that's her," the waitress smiled and left.

Steve looked around as he tried to figure out what he should do. The pizza was too big for him to eat by himself. He'd ordered it thinking he needed some to share with Bucky and the girls, but they were nowhere to be seen. He took a deep breath, then stood and picked up the pizza and Pepsi and walked over to the table where the woman sat. Though she watched him approach, the brunette gave him no indication if she was pleased with or even remotely interested in his presence.

"Hi," he said, figuring it was as good a start as any. "I, uh, have a lot of pizza here and I seem to have temporarily misplaced my friends."

She cocked an eyebrow at him and while her scrutiny didn't seem as withering as his "date's" had been, Steve was no more consoled by it.

He was beginning to worry he might drop the whole pie when she nodded toward the table as if to indicate he should set it down. Steve swallowed down the nerves that had found their way to his throat and now threatened to strangle him.

"Do you mind if I, uh," he was completely tongue-tied, yet again, and he wondered why he had even bothered.

She waved at the empty side of the both to indicate he could sit. He did and took a swallow of his soda to relieve his suddenly dry mouth. The woman across the table was, and there was no other way to say it, drop-dead gorgeous. When he'd first walked toward her table and noted just how low-cut her dress was, he was afraid his nerves would make his eyes drift down far too often to be polite. Instead, he found the beauty of her entire face mesmerizing. Her steel blue gaze never left his, and he couldn't seem to figure out how to look away.

She raised her hand and the waitress stopped at the table.

"We need two plates," she told the woman. As the waitress walked away, Steve suddenly realized he'd never bothered to introduce himself. He flushed with embarrassment at his rude behavior and that earned him another raised eyebrow.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't even introduce myself."

"My name's Steve," he told her. Bucky had always been pretty adamant about not sharing his last name when they came to places like this. Steve thought it absurd considering how many "Steve Rogers'" there must be in just the Five Burroughs.

"Maria," she said with a slight nod.

Steve was relieved that, so far, she didn't seem to be one who was prone to giggle. That sort of thing always made him feel as if he was back in junior high, and made him feel nervous that the woman was laughing at him. However, she also didn't really seem to be openly interested, which confused him since she had sent the waitress to him. He knew she must have been watching him for some time before that, though why, he really wasn't sure. She looked like she was entirely out of his league. In truth, she looked like she was even out of Bucky's league.

"So, uh, you come to this club a lot?" he asked. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he flushed with embarrassment again. "Oh, no, that's not a good one. That's a cheezy pick up line, isn't it?"

Maria finally gave him a slight smile, as if she was amused, which only served to fluster Steve more.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm not really good at this. I just, well, when the waitress pointed you out and I saw you were alone, I…"

Steve sighed. He really wasn't sure how to talk to a woman. Bucky had called him the quintessential geek, though Steve had argued that he didn't have the slightest interest in attending a comic book convention so his geekdom membership had been revoked.

"You came in with a woman," Maria commented.

"Yeah, that's kind of a blind date thing," he told her.

Maria nodded.

"Those are usually horrible," she said.

"Mine always end pretty much like what you saw," he said.

The waitress brought the plates as well as utensils and the two each took a piece of the pizza. When Maria took up knife and fork to start her piece, Steve smiled.

"You're from the Midwest," he commented.

She looked up at him in surprise for a second, then down at her untensils.

"Oh, that's right," she said, and set them back down.

"No, that's OK," he told her. "I was just trying to figure out what your accent was. It's definitely not New York, not even upstate."

"Chicago," she told him. "I lived there my whole life."

"Brooklyn," he shared. "I did go to college out of state, though."

"I didn't," she said. "This is the first time I've lived anywhere else."

"How long have you been here?" he asked.

"About two weeks," she said.

"Oh," that surprised Steve for some reason, but it immediately explained to him why someone as beautiful as Maria was in a place like this all alone.

"Hey, Steve-o," Steve heard Bucky's voice and looked up to see him a few steps away from the table, behind Maria.

"Been looking for you," he said as he approached them. "Was there something wrong with our…Oh."

Bucky stopped midsentence and stared at Maria. Steve had seen that look before and this time he couldn't blame his friend. Maria was truly an amazing beauty. Steve had noted right away that she wore only minimal make-up, and she probably hadn't really needed that. Her hair was swept up into a loose bun and the tendrils hanging down around her neck were beginning to have an effect on Steve. He wished he had Bucky's charm, just this once.

"So, there _is_ something wrong with our table," Bucky said, as a pleasant smile came to his face. "This beautiful creature is not sitting at it."

Steve saw right away that Bucky had chosen the wrong words. That surprised him. Most women were immediately captivated by his friend.

"Introduce me to your new friend, Steve," Bucky told him.

"This is Maria," he told Bucky. "Maria, this is my friend, Bucky."

"At your service," Bucky said and held out his hand to her. Maria only smirked and kept her hands in her lap.

Bucky let his hand drop and looked between Steve and Maria for several seconds.

"Right, then," he continued. "Well, the girls and I are back at the table, if you aren't too busy with your _pizza_."

Bucky's emphasis on the word drew Steve's attention away from the tension that had developed between the three.

"Oh, I bought this," Steve said and looked at Maria. "Would you like another piece?"

Maria shook her head.

"Why don't you take it back to the table?" Steve turned to Bucky now.

"Sure, that'd be great," Bucky said, still obviously put out by Maria's reaction to him.

Steve told him he'd be over in a minute as his friend took the pie and left.

He looked back at Maria and tried not to sigh dejectedly, and probably failed miserably.

"Would you like to dance?" she asked.

Steve was surprised but he shook his head.

"I don't really know how," he told her.

"There's not much to it anymore," she explained. "You just throw your body around to the music."

"I know," he told her. "But I have zero rhythm, and I always look as if I'm doing the Chicken Dance."

This caused her to chuckle as a real smile graced her lips and if Steve hadn't thought her the most beautiful woman he'd seen in years, he couldn't deny it now. As a result, he felt his brain go dead. He couldn't even recall what they'd been talking about before Bucky had interrupted them.

"Well, I should…" He waved his thumb in the direction Bucky had just gone.

"Yeah, your date…" Maria said.

"It was nice meeting you, Maria," he said as he slid from the booth.

She nodded, a slight smile on her face.

"You, as well," she said.

Without thinking, Steve stuck his hand out, in the same way Bucky had, but this time, Maria accepted. When their hands touched, Steve felt the heat travel up his arm. He flushed and knew he must be beet red now, which only served to further embarrass him. He was surprised when he noticed the color rise to Maria's cheeks as well.

"Good night," was all he could manage, however, before he turned and left.

He sat back at the table with Bucky, who gave him a hard stare, and the girls, and pretended he was enjoying himself. He remembered his earlier conversation with Maria now and what he'd rather do was ask her what had brought her to New York after a lifetime in Chicago. He wanted to know if she knew anyone here in the city. He wanted to understand why someone as beautiful as she was alone at a club, and, more importantly, why she had reacted more positively to him than to Bucky. It was certainly a rarity.

Giggling across the table brought him back to the present situation. The girls were whispering to each other and laughing over whatever they had said. Annoyed, Steve glanced over to where Maria was sitting. She was still alone at the table and, Steve thought, she was simply watching all the people. He couldn't imagine it was easy to pick up and move across the country from the place you'd lived your entire life. When he'd gone to college, at least everyone in his dorm was in the same boat. Trying to break into new groups of people and make new friends, or even acquaintances, when everyone around you was already comfortable, would have to be difficult.

After several minutes, Maria stood and began to walk toward the door. Steve was sorry she was leaving, and even more sorry she didn't have to walk by their table to do so. He watched as she tried to weave her way through the crowd. Half-way to the door she was met by a guy who might have had too much to drink, but definitely didn't know how to take 'no' for an answer. Steve immediately stood and began to make his way toward her, Bucky called out to him. He could almost see his friend roll his eyes as Bucky realized exactly what Steve had gone to do.

Steve glanced around to see if there were any guards coming to the scene. He thought there were supposed to be guards or bouncers in places like this. He saw no one else who was paying attention so he quickened his steps as much as he could through the sea of people. It was difficult to keep a line of sight on her as most of the people were so much taller than he. Steve was about ten feet away from Maria when the space between them opened up and he could see what was happening. And what was happening was that Maria had apparently had enough and had taken matters into her own hands. Without dropping her purse, she grabbed the man's arm and quickly twisted it around behind him, spinning him away from her. He yelped in pain and Steve stopped to watch. He felt a smile come to his face as Maria gave the jerk an earful then shoved him away from her. The man stumbled but then quickly moved away.

Maria didn't turn to see who was watching, though Steve had an idea that she already knew. He watched as she headed to the doors. Bucky was behind him now and leaned down to talk to Steve.

"Move your ass, kid," he told Steve. "Your dream girl is heading out and you're going to miss your chance."

Steve didn't need to be told twice. He followed after Maria and caught up with her just outside the exit.

"Wait, Maria," he called after her.

She stopped then slowly turned around. He walked quickly over to her.

"That was…" He started but couldn't quite get his mind around what he wanted to say. "What you did…" Again, he tried, but failed to convey anything he was thinking.

"What?" She quirked that eyebrow at him again and it made Steve feel things he really shouldn't about a woman he'd only just met. "Do you want some pointers?"

"Huh?" Steve wasn't sure what she was referring to.

"Earlier, I saw you earlier around the corner trying to take on King Kong," she said, an amused look playing across her face.

Steve felt another blush creep up his neck, threatening to take over his entire face. She'd seen that. She must think him a complete idiot. Steve never felt foolish for doing things like that, but tonight he did. He swallowed thickly and was about to tell her goodnight again when she finally spoke up.

"It was brave of you," she said, a soft smile growing on her face. "It was stupid, but it was brave. There aren't a lot of people around who will stand up to bullies like that."

He stared at her in surprise. That was not what he was expecting her to say. Suddenly, his collar felt too tight and he had to fight against an insane impulse to reach out for her. Something must have shown on his face because hers showed a vague confusion, as if she couldn't believe that he would be interested in her that way. Steve thought that more insane than his thoughts. How could anyone _not_ be interested in her? And now it went beyond her outward beauty for Steve. Now he wanted to know the answers to all the questions he'd had earlier, and more.

Steve had always had a fear of taller women, and beautiful women, and women in general. His few dates after college had generally turned out like the blind date tonight. He didn't want this chance meeting to end that way. His feet were moving, as if on their own volition, taking step after hesitant step toward her. All he could think at the moment was he really wanted to wipe the confusion off her face, wanted to show her that she shouldn't be surprised about his sudden feelings for her.

He kept his gaze on her eyes, and tried not to think about her height. Even in only two inch heels she was nearly six feet tall, Steve was certain. He tried even more not to think of every horrible joke he'd ever heard about why a short guy like him would want a tall woman like her, he hoped she'd never heard any of the jokes.

When he reached her he stopped and touched her arm, then slowly slid his hand up to her shoulder. He could feel goose pimples forming on her skin, which was certainly an effect he didn't usually have on a woman. The skin on her neck quivered when he touched it and ran his hand behind her neck to, hopefully, pull her down to him to kiss. She slowly lowered her face to his, and Steve couldn't help but be deeply affected by the confusion still in her eyes. If anyone ought to be confused, it was him, over why on earth she was about to let her kiss him.

Maria's lips brushing against Steve's made the already warm night feel even hotter. He slipped his other arm around her back as her free hand snaked into his hair and the hand she held her purse in wrapped around his back. He ventured a slide of his tongue over her lips and sighed in deep satisfaction when she opened for him. The kiss deepened and Steve felt as if the world was spinning around him. He hadn't kissed a woman like this in years, he hadn't known a woman like her in years. Finally, he had no choice but to pull away if he was going to be able to breathe again. They both gasped for air and Steve moved his hand to palm her cheek. He didn't want to break contact at all. He didn't want this to end now. He was going to ask her for her phone number but those weren't the words that tumbled, breathlessly, from his mouth.

"Can I take you home?" he asked. He wasn't even surprised at his boldness.

She nodded and Steve was glad to see, when he looked back up at her, that he'd successfully cleared all her doubts. He took her hand in his and led her to his motorbike. It was then he realized the flaw in his plan. He glanced surreptitiously at the skirt on her dress. It seemed like it might be short enough but the thought of her bare legs brushing up against him while they were riding down the road was a bit much to process at the moment.

He cleared his throat and handed her one of the helmets, suddenly glad that Bucky had made such a big deal to Steve about bringing two "just in case." This probably wasn't the "just in case" Bucky had meant, but it was the one Steve wanted.

* * *

**Notes:**

**In other news, and this could possibly affect updates on stories for the next month, I finally packed my kids up and left my abusive husband. It's a huge complicated mess, obviously, and someday I'll write a story. For now, the kids are out of school and court is closed today so first thing tomorrow morning...**

**I tell you this because a month ago I went public about the abuse among my "IRL" friends and have been amazed at the reaction. Having an abused mindset, I thought people would be angry with me for telling others, but they have been nothing but supportive. If you are in an abusive relationship, tell someone about it. If you need help finding an abuse center, or just encouragement, I can help you there. The services at the abused women's center I go to (which I cannot reveal the name of, even if you ask, sorry) have been helpful. I know it's because of them that I finally got brave enough to leave.**

**Won't lie to you, though, leaving is like jumping off a cliff. So I'm fairly certain it's going to affect my writing for at least a little bit, as in, I'm not sure how much I'll be writing. I may just take a week off and focus solely on my kids.**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Summary: This is basically part 2 of chapter 1. Fluffy smut with, well, I don't want to give anything away. I did mark off the smutty part if you don't want to read that.**_

**Notes: Wow, it's an update. You probably thought I forgot about this story, eh? Well, I didn't. I was working on further chapters and I feel confident I'm enough along with them that I can post this and not feel huge pressure. It's a psychological thing. **

**Anyway, what you need to know, aside from 'read the first chapter...' My Steve is a hopeless romantic. I've kind of always pictured Steve that way, mostly because he's such a pure idealist. And I know nothing about sex. Everything I know I learned from romance novels and fanfiction so if I messed up something here, forgive me. Maybe someday I'll meet a nice guy and he'll teach me all about it. :D**

**(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)**

* * *

Steve drove toward the Brooklyn Bridge, his heart in this throat. Maria hadn't given him her address so she must have supposed he meant his home. He wasn't sure if that was exactly what he'd had in mind when he'd asked, but he wasn't about to argue with her. After they crossed into Brooklyn, he turned off south toward a spot from which they could see the city. When he pulled into the parking area, he was surprised that he didn't feel her tense. Of course, it was entirely possible that Maria could take him out without breaking a sweat, but still, that sense of confidence she had only served to embolden him and want everything about this night to be perfect.

"I thought you might like to see this," he said, as he removed his helmet and climbed off the bike. "It's a pretty popular spot to see the bridge and city lights."

He offered his hand as she climbed off as well and had the distinct feeling she wouldn't have accepted it from just anyone. She kept her hand in his as they walked over to the fence along the riverside. Steve stood to her left so he would have a better view of her as she looked at the lights. Maria had a soft smile on her face when she looked out across the water back toward the city.

"You live here in Brooklyn?" she asked.

"Yeah, still," he told her. "Except for college, I never moved far from where I grew up."

She turned back to him, her smile still playing on her face, and Steve wished he was better at hiding his feelings because he was sure she saw his moment of doubt by her reaction. He was second guessing his decision to take her to his apartment. They'd only just met and Steve had never done anything like this in his life. But she leaned down and kissed him again and Steve's hands went around her back then slid down and rested on her hips. He deepened the kiss and, as earlier, was forced to come up for air. Nothing like this had ever hit him so hard, so fast.

"It's beautiful," she said, as she turned back to look once more at the city they'd just left. "Thanks for bringing me here."

She took his hand in hers again and led them back to his motorbike. Steve felt himself relax a little more. She wanted this as much as he did, it appeared.

They rode another mile to his apartment. Steve found it difficult to concentrate with Maria's arms wrapped around him and her bare thighs brushing against his legs. He parked the bike and they walked up the street.

"When I first moved in, there was an Italian restaurant downstairs," he explained. "They closed a few months ago and it's a lot quieter now."

She had a small smile as she listened to him talk about the neighborhood. They arrived at the entrance shortly and they took the one flight of stairs to his apartment side by side.

"Does your building have an elevator?" he asked as he turned the key in his door.

"No, it only has four floors, I'm on the third," she explained as he let her pass into the entry.

"Three flights of stairs every day, no wonder your legs."

He started to tell her exactly what he thought of her legs, and he'd been thinking about them a lot since she'd sat behind him on the bike when they left the club. But he stopped, afraid he'd say something foolish and ruin the whole night.

"My legs, what?" she said as she looked around the living room and kicked off her heels.

The removal of her shoes brought Steve's eyes back down to those legs. But he cleared his throat and looked away.

"You don't do this much, do you?" she asked.

"What? Bring home women I only just met?" he asked with a nervous chuckle. "No, I've never done this."

She smiled and walked toward him.

"I've never gone home with a guy I just met, either," she told him. "But that's not what I meant."

She stopped before him and Steve took her hands in his and stared, not a little nervously, into her eyes. They were the most amazing color of blue he'd ever seen. There were flecks of silver in them which caught the light and made them take on a beautiful hue.

"You don't just give people random compliments," she said. "Or is it just women who make you nervous?"

Steve sighed. This wasn't exactly the direction he wanted the conversation to turn.

"Because, for the record, I wouldn't mind knowing exactly what you think of my legs," Maria told him.

She took her left hand out of his and ran her fingers through his hair in a slow intimate way.

Steve moaned quietly in pleasure and took Maria's other hand and brought it to his mouth. He kissed her palm, then her wrist. He was rewarded with a shuddering breath from her as she sighed his name. He continued to trace her arm with his lips. When he reached her shoulder, pushed her dress down to the side to kiss the skin there. She leaned her head back as he kissed along her clavicle and spent some time pleasuring her with his tongue and occasionally teeth.

She whimpered and pulled his face up to kiss her and, as they kissed, he guided her into the bedroom.

* * *

Once there, she sat down in the small armchair he had in the corner and pulled him down to her until he was on his knees before her. She unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders as she pressed her lips against his. Steve was only too glad to be rid of it and tossed it quickly to the opposite corner. Maria chuckled against his lips but it turned to a gasp when Steve slid his hands from her waist to slide into her dress to caress her skin. The blue dress she wore had a v-cut lower than her breasts and, if Steve was honest, doing this very thing had been in his subconscious since they'd been in the club. He watched Maria as her head lolled back in pleasure. He wondered if it would feel even better if one day she wore the dress just for him.

Steve quickly shuttled that thought to the back of his mind. He didn't need to remind himself that he was falling for this woman at an unsafe speed.

He slipped his hands up to her shoulders again and pushed the dress down. Maria pulled out her arms, then Steve wrapped one hand around her neck and pulled her down to kiss him as the other returned to pleasure her breasts. His kisses turned greedy as he felt Maria's hands slide down his back to his waistband. She slid her fingers inside his pants and glided them around the front where she began to undo his belt. His lips moved along her jaw to her neck and he nudged her chin up with his face in order to have full access to her pulse point. He could feel the blood racing beneath his lips just as she snapped open his pants and slid the zipper down. At that, Steve forgot any misgivings he had about tonight, about this woman, about his height versus hers, about his feelings. He wanted to give her everything, all the things he hadn't given anyone in far too many years.

He tugged at her hands to have her stand as he backed away slightly. Still on his knees, his eyes at her waistline, he pulled her dress down then slipped his hands inside her panties to pull them off with her dress. He took it slowly, sliding his hands behind her to feel her backside, he lingered when she moaned in pleasure and put a hand on his head. Finally, he slowly pushed the clothes down her long legs, wishing at first his hands could feel more of the toned flesh at once, then realizing that he could take it slower if he lingered over the skin the way he desired. He pressed his lips against the juncture of her hip and her pelvis and the groan it elicited told Steve exactly what she wanted. And he wanted so badly to give it to her, but he didn't think he could hold out that long. It had been too many years since he'd felt this good during sex. It had been forever since he'd actually made love to a woman.

Instead he kissed and licked and nipped at the flesh just above her hairline and the teasing was enough to make her begin to tremble. Steve would have smiled, and might even have felt smug, except her reaction was effecting him far more than he expected. Finally, he reached her ankles and she stepped out of her clothing. Steve leaned back and took her in from her beautiful feet, toned legs, shapely hips and waist, gorgeous breasts and arms, to her face so full of lust and desire that he almost thought he'd lose control at that moment.

Maria held out her hand to him and he took it and stood, then he pulled her into a passionate kiss as they walked the few steps to the bed. She sat on the end and he leaned over her to continue kissing her. Her hands traveled down his chest and returned to his waistband but now pushed the clothes down around his hips, lingering as he had, her teasing touch doing nothing to stop his desire to push her back on the bed and take her immediately.

She slid off the bed to pull his pants all the way off. Steve sat down on the bed as she pulled his shoes and clothes off. She knelt before him and kissed the inside of his knee, then continued up one side with her lips, the other with her hand, until she brushed his hard cock again with her fingers. As soft cry of pleasure escaped Steve's lips and he prayed he could hold on for longer. She chuckled, her breath blowing out against his thigh, eliciting another gasp from him.

Her hand went around his waist, only to be replaced with her lips. Steve breathed out hard, it felt good, but this was not what he wanted from her tonight. He touched her forehead and shook his head at her when she glanced up at him. Then with trembling hands he reached out to pull her up to him. He laid back on the bed and reveled at the feel of Maria's hair as it brushed his skin while she kissed her way up from his waist, across his chest, lingering at his nipples, eliciting soft groans of pleasure from him, finally to his neck then ending at his lips. He put his hands up to her face and kissed her hard. She lifted herself over him and straddled his hips.

Steve moaned against her lips as the pressure and her wetness affected him all the way to the soles of his feet. His hands slid to her breasts and the weight of them in his palms he was sure was more pleasure than he was bringing her. Finally he pulled her up higher to take one breast in his mouth and one in his hand, while his other hand drifted between her legs and slid into her curls. He sighed loudly at the feel of how wet he'd made her. He slipped his finger up and down teasing her clit as he fought the urge to simply pull her up onto his face and eat her out.

Later, he thought to himself. And that time he didn't deny that he wanted a thousand more "laters" with this woman, a million more nights to please her, to make her moan, and hear her call his name in pleasure. She was doing that now. Steve thought it had been so long since anyone had wanted him the way she did, more than sex; he thought she must surely have felt it too. All he wanted to do was prove he was worthy of her desire. He slid a finger into her core as he flicked her clit with his thumb.

"Oh, g-d, Steve," she cried out.

He sank his finger in as deeply as he could and was surprised at the tightness there. It was incongruent with her beauty. Surely he couldn't be her first, not for someone this beautiful, this strong, he just couldn't be. He gave in to the desire to press another finger inside her, to stretch her. She shuddered and whimpered and Steve felt the gratifying taste of salt on her skin as she began to react. After another minute she pulled away and lay on her back next to him, gasping for breath. He knew he hadn't made her come yet, it hadn't been so long he'd forgotten the tells. Still, he gave her a moment to regain control before he rolled over and rubbed his hand gently along her arm.

Her eyes were still shut so he looked at her with all the longing he would be afraid to if she could see him before he leaned down to gently kiss her lips. When he pulled away to look at her again, he found her smiling up at him as if he were a long lost lover. Only a moment earlier he had wanted to push this, make it fast and hard, unsure he could wait any longer for the pleasure. Now he wanted to take it incredibly slow, take his time with her to show her everything this could be, he wanted to pray for a blizzard in August so they wouldn't have to leave for days.

Steve kissed her again, slowly, softly, and deeply. He gently touched her face then slid his hand down along her neck, her shoulder, her arm, then rested it on her hip, drawing circles lazily with his thumb at her pelvis. She sighed contentedly against his lips and despite the internal and external heat, he felt the goose pimples rise all over his body.  
She reached up to him and deepened the kiss as she pulled him over on top of her. He pressed his knee between her legs and her hips jerked involuntarily. Despite Steve's desire to take it slower, it didn't take long for the two of them to become heated again. Maria had taken him in hand, and even though she was gentle, Steve felt fire coursing through his veins.

"Steve, please," she finally whispered.

He nodded and wordlessly reached over to the side table. He hadn't used any in a while, but he had learned long ago it was a good idea to be stocked with a few condoms. So he had a small box of four in the drawer, where it had remained, unopened, since he'd bought it shortly after moving in six months earlier.

He laughed at himself as he tried to open the box with shaking hands while he was still over Maria. Finally he sat up on the edge of the bed and ripped open the box. He glanced back at her, expecting to see a smirk or the roll of her eyes, instead she was looking at him the way he'd looked at her earlier when she couldn't see him. Steve smiled as he realized she'd felt the same thing he had, that connection, or whatever it was he'd felt when she'd let him sit down in that booth with her. It had intensified when they'd touched as he shook her hand, grown stronger as he watched her deal with that jerk in the club, and, by the time they were headed to the bridge, it had solidified and started to grow into something that Steve had only the vaguest memory of ever feeling.

Maria slid her hand up Steve's arm and sat up next to him and began to place languid kisses on his shoulder. He shook his head as he smiled, surprised by his feelings. Then he cupped her face and brought her lips to his. As he kissed her he slid his arm around the front of her to one breast so he could hear her moan again. She arched her back to press her breast into his hand causing Steve to moan as well. He deepened the kiss as she glided her hand up the inside of his thigh, then he leaned her back down onto the bed and kissed her hard. Her hands came up and she dug her fingers into his hair pulling him to her as if she couldn't get him close enough for her liking.

Steve forced himself to pull away from her so he could slip on the condom. He reached back into the drawer and pulled out the lubricant. When he was ready her turned back to her. The wood headboard of Steve's bed had a decorative rod iron border at the top and Maria had raised her arms above her in order to weave her hands into it. He hadn't bought if for that reason but now he was seeing the benefits. She had the tip of her tongue caught between her teeth as if she was anticipating his next act. He slowly lowered his gaze to take in her body, then stood and walked to the foot of the bed.

He leaned down and kissed the inside over her ankle, nipping, then laving the soft, thin flesh there. Steve smiled as Maria reacted in pleasure, then he took his time moving up the rest of the leg while his hand caressed the other. He felt the muscles ripple beneath his lips and hand as Maria moaned and whispered his name and pleas for more. He glanced up at her as he ministered the spot behind her knee and began to force open her legs. She still had a tight grip on the head board, her head thrown back in pleasure, her teeth occasionally took her bottom lip between them and bit down. Steve had to force himself to stay his course.

He finally reached the juncture of her legs and slid one hand into the curls and opened the folds to allow his mouth access to the tender, sensitive flesh. He dragged his tongue slowly from the bottom to the top and reveled in Maria's resulting irregular breaths. As he swirled his tongue around her clit, Maria whimpered loudly, which only served to encourage him. He sucked the small piece of flesh between his lips and reached around to pull her legs up around his shoulders. She gasped his name when she realized his intentions, then she moaned and whimpered as he slid one, then two, fingers inside her. Her noises became more guttural the closer she came to release and Steve briefly traded places between his fingers and his tongue then she cried out and bucked uncontrollably.

She was trembling as he pulled away and began his journey up the rest of her body. When he reached her breasts she found the energy to move her hands into his hair again, still gasping for breath. He took his time at each perfect mound, licking, sucking, and nipping. His free hand caressed her body gently as he worked her back up to where he wanted her. His lips traveled up to her neck. He desperately wanted to leave a mark there, but he made the small mark low enough, along the collarbone, that she could easily cover it with a blouse. He didn't want any other man to see his mark and get ideas about Maria.

He tried not to think of how possessive that sounded. Maria didn't seem like the type of woman one could claim, but he certainly didn't want anyone else to ever touch her like this.

Finally, her gasps turned into groans and Steve knew he would be able to take her all the way up again. He pulled himself over her and kissed her hard on the lips. She wrapped her legs around him and bucked up against his hard cock as if telling him she was more than ready. He pulled his face away from hers so he could watch her as he slid inside her tight core. Using his hand to guide himself in, he slowly pushed into her flesh. She was too tight, not for his liking, it felt good, but it still made no sense. What was wrong with men in Chicago? How could anyone have allowed this incredible woman to remain alone long enough that Steve, in all honesty, felt as if he was experiencing his first time all over again?

She whimpered and he carefully watched her face to make sure he wasn't hurting her. As if she sensed his examination, she opened her eyes and held his gaze. He saw the pleasure there and smiled as best he could in the midst of his own. As he sank down to his hilt, he found he suddenly wanted to tell her everything he felt for her. But it didn't seem right to tell her then, not when it could be misconstrued as the sex talking. He catalogued and stored his thoughts for later as he began to pull out and press back in and build a rhythm with her. He briefly had a vision of the two, together in the other room wrapped up in a blanket on the sofa. He was telling her everything he thought, everything thing he felt as she pressed herself back into his embrace. This vision drove him on; the need to give her pleasure, to take his own in return, making everything about him hard. When he felt himself drawing closer, he slipped his hand between them and began to rub her clit to bring her to fruition again.

Her voice, which had been gasps and moans and whimpers, now cried out in great pleasure. And Steve along with her could no longer contain his voice. He felt her begin to quiver around him and he thrust harder and harder.

"Come for me," he pleaded with a groan in her ear.

And she did. As Maria's muscles contracted around him Steve felt the fire under his skin burn hotter. Her cries and her pleas spurred him on. Finally he felt himself on the very edge and he thrust into her and held himself still for a moment as the fire burst into his veins and exploded under his skin. Then he thrust again and again and again until he was finally spent and collapsed in a sweaty puddle atop her. He gasped for breath, thinking it felt as if he'd never catch it.

* * *

Maria clung to Steve as if for dear life for what seemed like minutes, but was probably only seconds before she slowly relaxed her grip. As she released him, he raised himself over her to look at her. She seemed as deeply in awe of the moment as he. Something had happened between them, he could see it in her eyes. Steve had a word for it, but was afraid to use it yet. She still looked too unsure, there was still too much disbelief on her face. But Steve could be patient when need be, so he only smiled and rubbed his nose against hers as he leaned in to gently kiss her.

Steve trailed kisses down to her neck, to the spot on her shoulder where he'd left a mark, tasting the salt on her skin. As he took deep breaths in, the smell of their union permeated his senses. It had been years since he'd made love to a woman, but he remembered the feel, how much better he liked the act and the slow way he floated back down afterward. He kissed her ear gently before he ventured to whisper the only word he could work up the courage to say at the moment.

"Stay."

Maria nodded then Steve rolled to his side and pulled her into his arms. She tucked her head under his chin and put one arm around him and Steve breathed out a contented sigh as he began to stroke her hair. Worn out as he was, he didn't allow himself to drift off to sleep until Maria's breaths puffed evenly across his chest.

* * *

The first thing to invade Steve's senses when he awoke the next morning was the smell of them. He breathed deeply and smiled. But as he became more aware, his chest tightened and he found he didn't want to open his eyes. When he reached a tentative hand across the bed, he discovered the sheets there were cold. From the lack of any noise anywhere in his small apartment, he knew she was gone.

Immediately his mind tried to grasp for hope. She probably had to go to work. She didn't have any clothes here but that fancy dress she'd worn the night before. Maybe she'd left a note, with her number, her name, something.

His heart in his throat, Steve sat up in the bed and looked around. On the chair in the corner he saw his clothes, folded neatly. That was an odd thing to do, he thought. But there was no note atop the pile. He walked to his bureau and pulled a pair of boxers from the top drawer and slid them on. He walked the few steps it took to look around the rest of the apartment, but found nothing. In the kitchen, the last room he'd checked, he leaned, palms pressed against the counter. He took several deep breaths, finally shaking his head, as the reality of the time started to press in on him. He didn't have time to think about this. He had a job to get to and he couldn't be late his first finally dragged himself into the shower and got ready to leave.

When walked out onto the sidewalk forty-five minutes later, he looked down to where his motorbike was parked. He had the fleeting thought that maybe, just maybe, she'd left something there. He walked quickly to his parking space as he fought an internal battle of hope versus despair. In the end, he was forced to shove his despair into a dark corner to deal with later. He mounted his bike and tried to ignore the feeling ghosting his skin of Maria's arms wrapped around him as he drove back into the city.

When he arrived at Stark Tower, he was given a temporary pass and sent to the 35th floor where the financial department was housed. He headed to the manager's office as he'd been directed by the guard downstairs. The red-headed assistant greeted him with a pleasant smile and motioned to a chair. Steve took the proffered seat but only had to wait seconds before the assistant returned and told him to go ahead in.

Steve stood as he tugged his tie and re-buttoned his suit jacket, then walked through the open door.

"Mr. Rogers, go ahead and shut the door and have a seat, I'll be with you in a moment," the woman at the desk told him.

She was looking at a page she was signing and had yet to as much as glance up at him. Her brunette hair was done in a tight bun, she wore a tan suit with a white blouse. Steve couldn't breathe as he eyes drifted to her collar that hid the mark he knew was there, the mark he'd put there last night.

She finally turned to look up at him, obviously confused as to why he had yet to comply with her requests. Steve watched as the blood drained from her face until he was sure she was as pale as he must be himself. Her mouth opened slightly but no words came out. Finally, Steve broke the silence.

"Maria?"

* * *

**Notes: Oh, I truly hope that inflicted pain. It still kills me, and I wrote this, originally, back in January. **

**So, yes, I finally fell for the prompt, "Person A goes to a club/bar and hooks up with Person B for a one night stand. Then next day Person A shows up at his/her new job only to discover that Person B is their new boss." Don't worry, it gets worse (but just the typical romance novel type of pain, I do so love happy endings), so for those of you who were missing my angst in the midst of all the recent fluff, I hope I made you a little happy. :) **

**Dresupi, I hope this is to your liking.**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Summary:**_

_**Maria is finally achieving the kind of success in her work that she has always wanted. She's not going to blow all her hard work to pursue what could be with a man she only just met. If only her heart was on the same page as her mind, it would make things easier.**_

**Notes:**

**Yay, chapter three. So, from here on out, the chapters are alternating POV. I don't usually do that because it confuses me. :D But, this is a typical romance novel so that's how it's written. :) Hopefully it didn't come out too badly.**

**Enjoy some Maria angst.**

* * *

And it's only half past the point of no return  
The tip of the iceberg  
The sun before the burn  
The thunder before the lightning  
Breath before the phrase  
Have you ever felt this way?

* * *

Maria stared in surprise at Steve. How had he found her? How had he even begun to know where to look? It was when she finally registered his apparel that she began to connect the dots. Steve. Stephen. Oh, no, this was Stephen Rogers. She pulled the file for the new hire out from under the stack she'd been working on and opened it.

She'd only glanced at it briefly this morning. She turned to the back pages where there was a copy of his driver's license. His face smiled up at her from the small square in the corner of the copied license and Maria felt her throat constrict.

"Shut the door," she said, this time far more curtly.

Steve immediately complied, but he didn't move from the spot where he seemed to have become rooted. Maria took a deep breath to steady her emotions before she continued.

"Was it some kind of a joke?" she asked, her voice as icy as she could make it.

Steve still looked as surprised as he had when she first saw him.

"Joke?" His voice was barely more than a whisper.

"Last night."

Just as she had been last night, she could read the emotions that flashed across his face. If he was acting, he was good. He didn't look as if it had been a joke to him. Still, Maria just couldn't believe that their meeting had been a coincidence.

"Did you know I was going to be there?" she asked, her face set hard.

"I…?" He started to ask. "But you…" Steve was as tongue-tied as he had been the night before.

Maria felt her heart softening. She knew she was being unfair. Finally she relaxed and rested her head in her hands. She heard Steve sit down in the chair across from her.

They were both silent for several minutes.

Maria chastised herself for being so stupid the night before. She should never have gone to that club. But her neighbor had a reservation she couldn't use and the woman looked similar enough to Maria that Maria was able to use her ID to get in, though the guard barely looked at the photo, he'd been too busy checking out Maria. And the reason Maria had gone was the worst part. She'd gone to do exactly what she'd done, pick up a guy and go home with him.

"You said you'd stay." Steve's soft, pained voice interrupted her thoughts. In her mind she could hear his whispered plea, "Stay." She could almost feel his breath brushing her ear at the memory.

She couldn't look at him, couldn't stand to see the pain she'd caused him. She knew something had happened between them, that he had felt it all so deeply. It's why she'd agreed to stay; it was also why, when she awoke at two in the morning, she'd left.

Finally, it was unavoidable, so she lifted her head to look at him. He was trying, and failing miserably, to look strong. And now it was about to get worse. Maria had never hated herself more than she did at this moment.

"If you are going to work here, for me." She paused to take another steadying breath. "Last night can't have happened."

The look that passed across his face cut through Maria's heart as nothing ever had before. This was going to be so much more difficult than she thought. She stood and began to steadily pace a path around her office to give herself an excuse not to look at him when she said what she knew she had to, in order to save both of them. She wasn't about to sacrifice her career for a relationship with a man she'd barely met, no, scratch that, she wasn't about to sacrifice her career for anyone for any reason. Normally she didn't feel like such a bitch when she thought that way, this was certainly an exception.

Maria was grateful Steve didn't turn in his chair to follow her with his gaze around the room. This was going to be almost impossible for her as it was. She didn't want to look at him at all, didn't want to see his face when she lied to him.

"Last night was a mistake," she said flatly, crossing her arms across her chest defensively, even though he couldn't see her.

She tried not to imagine the pain that visibly crossed his face. That same face that had been so full of love and wonder last night. As if she was some sort of rare find. But Steve didn't know her, he didn't know how selfish she was, how her career was the only thing that mattered to her. She'd been wrong to encourage any sort of thoughts that way, to allow him to touch her and make her feel so many things she didn't even know she was capable of feeling.

"Can you agree to that?" she asked.

He waited a moment before answering. Maria watched out of the corner of her eye as his shoulders raised and lowered several times as he took deep breaths.

"No," he said. "But I can work around it."

His voice was steady and controlled. And Maria felt as if she was the only one who might lose it. He refused to look at the night before as a mistake, even after she had treated him this way. She had the feeling he was going to let this slide, as a moment of fear.

"We can't do anything even remotely close to what happened," she continued harder than she felt. "I cannot be your friend. I cannot be anything but your boss."

Any other man would have made some innuendo or comment, but Steve only nodded his head mutely.

"OK, then," she said, as if this was somehow settled for her, as if she was perfectly fine with her decision.

She walked back to her desk and pressed a button on her phone and summoned Jasper Sitwell, the office manager. There was a tense silence as she and Steve waited. Maria could feel his eyes watching her but she didn't look up at him. She didn't think she was strong enough yet, not when she could still feel his touch on her skin.

Jasper finally arrived, and Maria had to say it was the first time she'd ever been relieved to see the man. She introduced the two men and had Jasper take over as far as getting Steve acclimated and settled. When the door shut behind them Maria collapsed fully into her chair. She looked down at her hands as they began to shake and tried to keep it from spreading to the rest of her body.

She now regretted abdicating the hiring process immediately following her own hire. HR had been fine with it reasoning that the position they eventually hired Steve for wasn't directly related to Maria's job except in managerial aspects. She had been hired to clean up the previous manager's mess, and to, hopefully, keep the SEC out of things. It was a dream come true to land a job like this. And the fact that she'd been asked to an interview based on one of her old boss's recommendation was just an affirmation that she deserved it. And in one foolish, selfish move, she had threatened the entire thing.

Maria shook the thoughts from her head. They'd get her nowhere and she had far too much work to do.

The rest of the day was a haze of paperwork, filtering through file after file on the computer, meetings both in person and online, and phone calls. Through it all, she successfully avoided all but a glance at Steve. Natasha said her good nights and Maria nodded her good bye, pencil in her mouth as she went over more figures. Before she knew it, the night's shadows were creeping into her office. She finally looked at the time and saw it was already 9pm. She sighed audibly and began to clean up the papers. She took the files she could remove from the office and stuffed them into her bag, then exchanged her heels for walking shoes and finally shut off the light and walked to the elevator. A few minutes later she turned out onto the sidewalk and headed for the subway.

The street, while not as packed as it was during the day, was still rather full. Summer evenings brought a lot of people out since the days were so unbearable. The subway, as well, had quite a few people. Many from the city, others were tourists riding some of New York's more famous lines. She exited several stops later and when she came up the stairs she found night had already descended.

As Maria walked the two blocks to her apartment, she tried not to think about what she'd been doing only 24-hrs ago. It was foolish to entertain the memories. She needed to do exactly what she'd told Steve to do, pretend it never happened.

The sound of a motorcycle coming up the street caused Maria's heart to quicken. She slowed her pace and stopped, but was disappointed when the driver passed by and she saw that the rider was far too tall to be Steve. The rest of the walk seemed tiresome, her feet felt as if they had turned to lead. As she finally trudged up the front steps and the three flights of stairs she could think of nothing but Steve and how he had shown her exactly what he thought of her legs.

She opened the door to her flat then shut it by leaning hard against it. She closed her eyes and let her memories take over for a moment. The feel of Steve's hair between her fingers, his lips pressed to hers, his hands hot on her skin, his tongue, good g-d his tongue, no one had ever made love to her the way Steve had. It was as if he knew her already, as if he'd spent years studying her and practicing on her. And in his eyes…

No, Maria stood up. She would not think about this again. She picked up her bags and began her nightly routine. Her briefcase she dropped onto the coffee table, then she slipped off her tennis shoes and set them on the shoe rack along the wall next to the kitchen. She pulled on her soft slippers and padded into the kitchen and grabbed up the tea kettle, dumped the morning's water out and rinsed it before adding fresh water and starting it on the heat.

She left the kitchen and began to take down her hair, failing to keep her mind from wandering to how good it felt to have Steve pull it down last night. Maria didn't have a lot of experience with men and even less with sex, but no one she'd ever been with had done that. It had been such an intimate moment, and the way Steve had looked at her…

No, she told herself again. The last thing she should ever do is think about his eyes, and how he looked at her. She might cave. No one had ever looked at her that way before. It had been his eyes more than her desire that had made her follow through last night. She had always had this ridiculous notion about what it might be like to have a man look at her the way Steve had, especially while making love.

As she stared at herself in the bathroom mirror and brushed out her hair she chastised herself for her selfish fantasies. No man could be expected to feel that deeply. Men just didn't think that way. They were solely into it for the sex and if women wanted someone to care for them they should try to develop friendships with other women. And Maria was horrible at that as well.

The tea kettle whistle made Maria jump and she glared at her reflection. She was behind in her routine. She should have been out of her work clothes by now.

She walked back into the kitchen and prepped her tea, then quickly changed out of her clothes before pouring herself a bowl of Lucky Charms. She sighed at this open acknowledgement that she planned to spend the evening feeling sorry for herself. She should have the chicken and rice she'd pulled out of the freezer this morning to thaw. Though why she'd done so she wasn't sure. As Maria sat down at her small table next to the shoe rack, she reminded herself that she had considered going back to Steve tonight. Though she'd run in terror in the pre-dawn hours, by the time she'd arrived home, he had permeated her mind. The idea that there was a man out there like the one she always dreamed was almost unbelievable. If it hadn't been for this morning…

Maria chewed on her marshmallows and cereal and swallowed thickly as she allowed herself a moment of self-pity.

It figured, it really did, that he would show up at work this morning under her employ. The one man, the only man, who had ever given her what she wanted, what she needed, fulfilled an actual fantasy, was now unattainable. It would have been easier, she reasoned, if she'd learned that he was married. At least she could hate him in that case. Instead she carried the feel of his touch on her skin in a way she knew she wouldn't be able to rid herself of anytime soon.

She finished her cereal and first cup of tea. Then she washed up the bowl and spoon while her second cup steeped. She was almost back on track with her routine, she had only one more hurdle to jump.

She walked back into the main room and stared at her record player. Each night she listened to the music on old vinyl LPs and 78s. Tonight, though, would be different. When she'd been putting her shoes on before sneaking out on Steve this morning, she'd noticed his stereo system had a turntable. Out of curiosity, she'd peeked at the collection of albums next to it. When Steve had claimed not to be able to dance, she wondered if he meant only modern dancing. The albums were from the true classics, Goodman, Cole, Crosby. In fact, a few were the same as hers. Maria took a deep breath and walked over to her collection and pulled out Crosby's "Around the World." Bing's voice was crooning to her as Maria took out her laptop up and began another few hours of work.

Two LPs later, Maria finally decided to call it a night. She closed everything up and walked back to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face and finish the rest of her evening routine. She turned out the light and crawled into bed. She tried to take her usual solace in her routine; in the fact that she had her own place; in her decision to break free from Chicago and everything it had been. Tonight, though, not even that could comfort her.

Her whole life Maria had wondered what it would feel like to have someone love her. In college she'd had a roommate who'd explained that what she wanted couldn't be expected of any man. That men couldn't think that way because they were more interested in the physical aspects of life, they couldn't be bothered with romance and basic human kindness. That women had to accept that the ideas planted in their minds by reading romance novels and watching chick flicks were selfish and self-serving and just accept men as they were. At least then they would learn to be content with what they had.

But Maria had never entirely believed that. If she had, she would have completely given up her romance novel hobby, she wouldn't drive across town so she could watch the latest chick flick without risk of anyone she knew seeing her. And she would have left last night with the first jerk who came on to her instead of watching Steve across the room and wondering what he was like, aside from being brave enough to stand up to a bully twice his size. Her heart wouldn't have leapt to her throat as she watched him approach her with the pizza, his eyes on her the whole time so she knew she wasn't imagining that someone like him was coming to talk with someone like her.

Maria groaned and shifted in the bed. This, this single life, no man to have to dictate her decisions and actions to her, was what she'd wanted. She'd been so glad to leave Chicago and finally be free of her father and her boyfriend, to have her own life. Why had she even decided to go out and try to pick up a guy? Men were…Maria breathed deeply and realized that she had to change her thoughts on that. Maybe most men were, but Steve was not.

She couldn't stop herself wondering what he was doing, she took a sort of sick solace in the pain she must have caused him. It reminded her that she didn't deserve anyone who would look at her the way Steve had, who touched her and held her as Steve had. She could almost feel his arms around her now, almost breath his scent as if she was in his arms, fulfilling her dream of falling asleep in the arms of someone who loved her.

Her eyes shot open as the emotions overtook her and she struggled to breath. She sat up and turned on the light beside her bed.

Maria realized she wasn't going to sleep so she got up and opened her laptop and started back to work. She hadn't had a sleepless night since she'd arrived in New York, but she'd had plenty in Chicago and she knew how to work around her insomnia.

* * *

Maria had thought that as the days went by, she'd get used to seeing Steve each work day. She had put up with worse in her life, this was small in comparison. But it didn't happen that easily. And it wasn't Steve's fault.

He had done exactly what she'd asked of him. He didn't act any differently around her than the others in the accounting office, he didn't make comments on the sly during meetings. He held the door for her when they walked through, but he did that for everyone.

No, it was Maria's problem. She found herself waiting to hear him say "Good morning" to the others in the office, the kindness of his voice washed over her in a way that made her wish there could be more between them. When the office manager, Jasper Sitwell, commented on how well Steve was working out, Maria felt a sense of pride swell in her that she'd never felt over another person.

There were two full office meetings Maria had to attend each month. She never caught Steve looking at her, and wouldn't she have since she always found her eyes drifting to him when he had to look the other way down the meeting room table?

The second meeting after Steve started work at Stark Industries, he had been tapped to present his group's project. Some men stuffed their hands in their pockets when they stood in front of the group, and Maria wished Steve had been one of them. Instead his hands moved smoothly through the air, and in spite of her concerted effort to concentrate on his words, Maria found her mind drifting occasionally in recollection of how those hands felt on her skin. Focusing on his face didn't help. She knew she couldn't look in his eyes, so her gaze kept drifting to his lips. At one point his tongue darted out to moisten them. Maria had to reach for the glass of water in front of her as her throat seized up in memory.

In between time, she avoided the office. It wasn't unusual for her position, Sitwell had the run of the room, and it wasn't unusual for her, personally. She'd never been one to engage in even casual relationships in the office, or even casual relationships. People were dangerous, she knew well enough, but Steve was not just any person.

She made it through the rest of August and all of September without so much as considering giving in to her daily temptation to go to Steve's apartment. But by October, her mind had changed tactics and was trying to convince her that a clandestine relationship would be perfectly acceptable. After all, no one had to know.

In response, she tightened her daily routine, becoming almost compulsive about it. It was her comfort, her safety. If she could keep her days the same, she could keep her feelings under control. And feelings must be kept under control because they were dangerous.

* * *

"No, Mr. Sitwell, we cannot have an office Halloween party," Maria said flatly.

She was perturbed that he'd made it an order of business during their bi-monthly staff meeting. He should have brought it up to her in private.

"If you would like to bring candy for your office mates, you are welcome to do so," she told him. "If you want a few decorations on your desk, that is fine, as well, so long as they are appropriate for the workplace."

Sitwell looked across the table at her, a disappointed look on his face and Maria wondered, again, how on earth this man had become the office manager.

"No costumes or parties," she reiterated. "This is not Southern California."

She stared him down for a brief few seconds, just long enough that he might remember it wasn't a good idea to broach this subject in public, before dismissing the meeting.

She had a teleconference with Mr. Stark, who was in California, and a few others, so she made her way up to the 40th floor where the boardroom was. Stark and the others seemed pleased with the progress she'd made, though she still couldn't rule out the SEC stepping in when the quarterlies were released. Still she found herself with the unusual feeling of being flattered when Mr. Stark told her that hiring her was the best decision he'd ever made. Maria didn't let it go to her head, Stark was an infamous flirt after all, and he didn't know her that well.

When she returned to her office, she found an envelope on her desk with her name on it. She glanced at the door and weighed the wisdom of shutting it before she read the contents. The writing she recognized as Steve's. She didn't want him to think she couldn't read anything he placed on her desk, no matter how unusual this was, without closing the door.

She picked it up and sat in her chair. When she opened it, she slid out a ticket to the Prospect Park Zoo's "Boo at the Zoo" event. She'd seen the ads on TV but hadn't paid it much attention. She never celebrated Halloween, it was a child's holiday, as were all the others, if she cared to admit it to herself.

She flipped the ticket over, on the back there was a sticky note with a phone number on it. The word's "My cell #" written below. Maria sighed and slid the ticket back into the envelope before setting it aside to continue with her day. She could call him later and tell him "no."

She considered calling him into the office. Maybe he needed a reminder of how things had to be. Her mind mocked her at that idea. She was the one who couldn't stop thinking about him.

Hours later, she was surprised by Natasha's goodnight and waved her out quickly before returning to her work.

Fifteen minutes later she heard a knock at her door. It was a little early for the cleaning crew, she thought as she looked up to see who was asking for her.

She forced herself to remain outwardly calm as she stared into Steve's blue eyes. He was apparently not going to wait for her to call him. And, she thought, that was probably a good thing, since she really had no intention of doing so.

"Yes," she said, as if she thought he might just have some general business to discuss.

"Is that your final answer?" he asked and flashed a cocky grin that surprised her and caught her completely off guard.

She opened her mouth to reply that her answer was "no" but no words came out. She shut it again and leaned back in her seat.

"It's a really nice event," he said. "I used to go with a friend when I was in high school, we took his little sister as a cover, but we both really liked it."

He was smiling now and there was a confidence in his eyes similar to the one she'd seen when he was taking on that bully outside the club back in August.

"Steve," she started.

"It's not a date," he said. "I'm just making sure you get to know some of the nicer things New York has to offer."

She smirked at him. He sounded as if he'd rehearsed this conversation. She couldn't blame him, though.

She shook her head in disbelief at herself as the word, "Fine," came out instead of "No."

"Great," he said. "Oh, and it's far more fun if you wear a costume."

She glared at him now but he only smiled at her.

"I'll pick one up for you," he said. "You won't have to worry about it."

She looked at him in surprise for a moment, usually most men got angry when she looked at them that way, or at least nervous. Steve was probably the first person not to react either way.

"OK," was the only reply could voice.

He smiled like a kid on Christmas morning, then he turned and she listened as he collected his coat and briefcase and got onto the elevator.

It was fifteen minutes later, in the middle of crunching some numbers, that Maria truly realized what she'd just done. She groaned and lowered her head into her hands.

* * *

**Notes:**

**This note is more of a personal note and has nothing really to do with the story, per se, except that this will probably be the last E/M story I write. I'm writing this out as a note because I have learned over the past several months since I left my abusive husband that I'm not alone and I feel compelled to keep speaking about this in case someone in the same situation happens across one of my stories. I want people to know they can get out.**

**I began writing as part of my self-therapy. When I was married I was not allowed to go to individual therapy because I was told we had no money. Abusers keep their victims from therapy so they won't be able to get any help. So I tried to keep myself alive by writing all my pain into my stories. I found it useful to work through things I was thinking about. I put them on my characters, whether they were specifically bad things, or just ways I thought things ought to be. The E/M stories began when I started trying to work through the sexual abuse by myself. There was no other way to deal with it. I'm sure I lost several readers as a result, but I figured my life was a bit more important than popularity. :)**

**Anyway, I am now in therapy, which is how I was diagnosed with PTSD, and it's been very helpful. I will probably still use my stories to work through some of my problems, but this one just doesn't feel as right to work through in public anymore.**

**On a side note, for those not on my tumblr, where I've been posting about the Duggar situation, what you hear and read about them in the news, that was exactly how I was raised. Anna Duggar doesn't have anything but what she's been handed by her husband, because that's what she's been taught from her earliest days that she is worth. As a woman she has no other options in her religion. She must just accept that her husband is an adulterous, child-molester and "forgive" him and tolerate him because she will be shunned and cast out by her family and friends if she doesn't. It's a very cultish thing and is not based on anything from the bible but from their twisted distortion of God's word and their worship of men. The conservative Christian community is either guilty by silence or, for their own distorted reasons, circling the wagons. So, I guess it's up to us liberals to keep talking about it.**


End file.
